This is a huge topic and one that I certainly will only be able to scratch the surface of in this week's blog post but it's such a common struggle that so many of us face and it's often the thing that undermines all the good work we do to lose weight and can be the thing that leads to us giving up on our goals and believing that we'll never be the healthy weight we desire to be.
So if you know you sabotage yourself, read on for some of my thoughts and tips.
I looked up the definition of ‘sabotage’ in the dictionary and it’s defined as:
“the act of destroying or undermining something often in a covert manner. It implies deliberate and direct involvement of the part of the sabateur.”
Whereas and rather interestingly, self-sabotage is
“when this destructive behaviour is turned on yourself but you may not recognise you are doing it”
First up, I want to break down what is self-sabotage and what is not as I do think this can often get confused.
IT
IS
NOT...
- Enjoying a slice of cake on your birthday
- Having a glass of wine with dinner on a Saturday night
- Missing out going to the gym when you’re feeling under the weather
- Enjoying an ice-cream at the seaside on a day trip with the kids
IT
IS...
- Opening a packet of biscuits to have just one and then eating the whole pack
- Having a slice of cake on your birthday and then telling yourself you’ve ruined the week and eating 4 bags of crisps, 2 chocolate bars and half a tub of ice-cream
- Getting a takeaway because you can’t be bothered cooking and ordering far more than you need
Another way to put it, there will be times when we intend to eat something that may not be part of our normal healthy eating or weight loss plan – birthdays, holidays, weddings etc but these are special occasions and not part of your usual routine, enjoying food and drink may be part of the event and it’s completely normal. These are not what I consider to be ‘self sabotage’.
Self sabotage is more likely to happen adhoc, more regularly, follow specific patterns and most likely not planned for – it’s going to be the things you kick yourself for, get annoyed with yourself at and can lead to more sabotaging behaviour.
Some of the things you do to sabotage your weight loss you are completely aware of and can be the easier things to change with a bit of work on new habits, planning and preparation whereas the more challenging acts of self sabotage may be a lot deeper rooted, we may not even be aware of the triggers and can be patterns of behaviour that we’ve followed for years and years and therefore are firmly entrenched in our habits.
Take a step back and look for the cause or trigger
I’ve talked about triggers in a previous blog (click here to read) but spotting what happens in the build up to a self sabotaging episode is really important – a lot of the time, people focus on the ‘what’ but not the ‘why’.
For example, I’ve often heard from clients: “I had a really bad week and ate loads of chocolate” (no judgement here, we’ve all had those weeks!)
But when I say, ‘ok, let’s make a plan for the week ahead in case you have another bad week’, the answer is most often ‘I’m not going to buy any chocolate, I’m going to avoid the shops, I’m going to go for a walk’ etc etc – now, these are all great strategies but what are they are focusing on is the ‘eating chocolate’ part of the situation, rather than taking it a step further back and looking at the cause of the self sabotage situation ‘the bad week’ and the fact that is what caused the urge to overeat the chocolate.
Now, we all have bad weeks and they are often out of our control and I’m not suggesting that everyone can turn a bad week into a good week but the key to long term success is recognising that when you have a bad week you are triggered to eat chocolate. Recognising and understanding this is empowering right away and working on how to manage your emotions without turning to food is the key to breaking the ‘on a diet / off a diet’ cycle and not having to spend the rest of your life hiding from chocolate every time life gets a bit rocky.
So in this instance, you’ve recognised the trigger as ‘having a bad week’ and now the key is work on different habits to help you relax / unwind / distract yourself that actually do have the desired impact. At the end of the day, chocolate has no magic restorative powers, once you’ve eaten it, you probably still feel exactly the same about your week however you’ve probably now added guilt, self-criticism, negative self-talk and annoyance to the mix – actually making the whole situation worse!
Maybe try having a relaxing bubble bath to unwind, call a friend for a chat and moan about the week, make a list of things you can do to make the next day more productive / easier, have an early night, enjoy an hour of a hobby to take your mind off things – we’re all different so it’s about finding what works for you in terms of making you feel good.
Uncovering your triggers or reasons for self sabotaging
This may require a bit of thinking – we’re often unaware of what the causes are but I’ve pulled together some suggestions (most of which are things I personally have struggled with over the many years of my yo-yo dieting:
- expecting miracles overnight and getting easily disheartened when weight loss is not as speedy as you want it to be
- obsessing over the numbers on the scales and only using those as a measure of your progress (and this can have an impact if you’ve gained weight and lost weight!)-
- setting unrealistic goals or ones that don’t resonate with you
- feeling guilted into losing weight because someone else says you should – having a real clear reason WHY that is important to you is really essential
- expecting perfection: if you slip up, even just a little, you see it as failure and spirals very quickly
- restriction and feeling like you’re always missing out or it’s not fair
- lack of self belief that you actually can and will change
- only listening to the negative critical voice that lives in your head
- comparing yourself to others
- feelings of not being worthy enough to invest time and energy into yourself
- blaming others
- making excuses
- fear of failure and also fear of success
- laziness
- boredom
- lack of planning
- lack of confidence
- stress
Self sabotage happens when we make decisions based on emotions rather than based on common sense.
This statement definitely rings true for me and I can apply it to pretty much all the times I’ve sabotaged myself in the past. What I also want to add here, is that I’m not perfect (and perfectionism is one of the things I’ve had to really work hard on with myself over the years!), I still succumb to my emotions on occasion and revert back to old habits HOWEVER, the biggest change of all is that I’ve learned to be kind to myself, if I slip up, I forgive myself – there’s no beating myself up and creating a whole load of guilt and negativity about what happened, instead, I look to learn from what happened to see what I can change for the future, then a line is drawn and I go right back to my normal healthy eating pattern.
As I said at the start, this is a huge subject and I could go on for pages and pages but I’m going to stop here and will probably do a ‘self sabotage part two blog’ at some point in the future!
I hope this helps you start to recognise some of the things that are getting in your way of reaching your goals.
As a weight loss coach, I love helping people discover the best ways to reach their individual goals – from working on their mindsets and habits to help with nutrition and healthy eating advice and recipes. If you would like to find out more about my 1-2-1 coaching programme or how I can help you, please do get in touch.
Email me or phone/message: 07834 442607
Join my free Facebook weight loss support group for weekly live sessions, more tips and strategies and motivation: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theweightlossgroup